Relating With Your Ex After Marriage.

 It is a thing of joy to be married to the person one loves, but some partners, who, despite being married are still tied to their exes. They just cannot let go. Rather than breaking such bond, they continually give reasons why they cannot do away with such relationship. Some of them even say that the relationships are harmless and their partners should not lose sleep over them.
 This situation is one that many people face in modern society. Keeping in touch with an ec is a big issue because people do it for several reasons.
 A woman, only identified as Dupe, still keeps in touch with her ex because she has a baby for him. She told SUNDAY PUNCH, "I keep in touch with him as a result of friendship and also because I have a child for him. However, that does not give him the right to call me anyhow or at he will".
  She added that they could not discuss anything else other than the welfare of their child, stating that her ex was also aware of the boundary.
 Asked if the situation was so vital to warrant keeping in touch with her ex, Dupe said her husband understood, she said; "My spouse trusts me and understands the situation".
 Some people believe that there is nothing bad in staying in touch with one's ex-lover after the relationship ended, especially if it didn't end on a bad note. They however, noted that it could be a problem if either or both of them were married and refused to Carry their partners along.
 Another woman,Mrs Peju Osazuwa, told SUNDAY PUNCH that she kept in touch with her ex out of friendship. She noted, "we were friends before we started dating and when the relationship did not work, we returned to our former state of friends".
  Asked how her spouse felt about it, she stated that he was indifferent to it because of his trust in her.
 But there are those who believed that keeping in touch with an ex-lover after marriage is not proper or advisable.

 Speaking on the matter, a psychologist, Prof. Oni Fagboungbe, said every human being had emotions capable of provoking jealousy.
 The don't stated, "Human beings have feelings, so, it can easily provoke a behaviour amounting to jealousy. It can cause a lot of psychological dislocations such as mistrust, suspicion, loss of confidence and so on.
 "Suspicious is very delicate in a marriage because it will breed mistrust and where there is mistrust, it may have a spiral effect on other things. It can also affect matrimonial effect".
  While there are some spouses who do not mind their partners maintaining a relationship or friendship with their exes, there are others who are not comfortable with the idea.
 Mr. Okechukwu Ochuok keeps in touch with his ex-lover, but he said that his wife was not comfortable with it. He, however, said he would continue talking to her ex as long as "it is just to say hello because she had friends before I met her."
 It is the same with Mr. Love Itsegbosimhe who said he maintained friendship with his ex because of the mutual trust they shared when they were together.
  "There is nothing personal in the friendship. My wife might not be too comfortable with the idea but there is a level of understanding between my wife and me. Most importantly, I don't allow anything affect my marriage. My conversation with my ex is on a platonic attached," he added.
 A marriage counsellor, Bose Fawehinmi, noted that it was not advisable to maintain friendship with one's ex-lover after marriage.
 Fawehinmi said,  "It is not advisable to keep in touch with a previous partner because if you have said a relationship is over, you being in contact means that both of you probably have something going. It may not be emotional or romantic but it is not right.
 "Your life does not depend on that relationship. You need to let it go. Whatever it is that you feel is a benefit you want to derive by still being in touch with the person, you can sacrifice it for the peace of t new relationship you are in. This in because your partner is going to feel insecure".
 She added that being friends with ex could lead to morally questionable behaviour without being done intentionally.
 "It can actually be an avenue for you to start something again because an old friend is always somebody you feel safe with. If you have issues and your spouse in not able to offer you comfort or understanding at the times, that person will seem to be just there.
 "So, its easy for you to run back divulge your issues to the person. Of course, it could be friendly and no strings attached but it it could lead to emotions running wild again."
 Nobody would welcome his or her partners ex hanging around a marriage, if one didn't want to be a home breaker, the best thing would be to leave one's ex alone for peace to reign.

PUNCH